Understanding the Communication Star can help you avoid COMMUNICATION HELL!
How?
By understanding what causes most communication problems and misunderstandings you can learn how to avoid these painful mistakes.
PURPOSE:
TO: give couples a model about communication that is a simple way of looking at a complex subject. Relationship Communication.
SO THAT: they can see what went wrong when communication goes off track… and where to focus so they can bring it back on track.
INTENDED OUTCOME:
- Lovers feel empowered when they understand what went wrong when their communication falls apart and feel confident about getting things back on track.
- Both parties feel heard, understood and valued.
METHOD: Review this model and look over some past upsets. Which of the six parts were missing? The more past situations you review, the more familiar you become with the model and the more useful it becomes. Do the practice exercise below.
The Communication Star
The 6 Parts of the Communication Star Defined:
The listening triangle first, start with the end in mind. If you want someone to feel Valued, they need to feel understood. For someone to feel understood, they need to feel heard.
1) Heard: here it’s not good enough just to say “I heard you” or “I got it”. It’s best to feedback what you think you heard and make sure they “get it” that you “got it”
2) Understood: once your lover “gets it” that you “got it” that you have entered their world, they feel understood.
3) Valued: once someone feels heard and understood, without judgment, they feel valued. After that happens there is space for them to hear, understand and value what you have to say.
The speaking triangle is second. It is important what you say… and… how you say it.
4) Conscious: being conscious here means understanding that what someone hears is often very different from what you say. And that what someone thinks they heard is more important to them then what you think you said.
5) Compassionate: to meet someone where they are with empathy and compassion.
6) Courageous: to be powerfully vulnerable, to speak from your heart, to express what you are feeling and needing, ending with a clear request.
Exercise part one:
First write down 3 conflicts, upsets or arguments you have had, the more resent to better.
1) ____________________________________________________________
2) ____________________________________________________________
3) ____________________________________________________________
Now write down which part was missing in each situation?
1) ____________________________________________________________
2) ____________________________________________________________
3) ____________________________________________________________
Want to know more?
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